


And the sky is clear

by Beleriandings



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Acceptance, F/M, Flashbacks, Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2617667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beleriandings/pseuds/Beleriandings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many years later, Andreth looks into the water and sees only herself, and the stars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And the sky is clear

Andreth knelt by the water’s still edge, staring out into black, star-dusted sheet of glassy water laid out before her, a perfect mirror of the sky above. The illusion of a void was so perfect it seemed as though she may fall into it, as though she were teetering on the edge of some vast emptiness, filled only with endless stars.

She looked at her own face, the most delicate of breezes rippling over her own familiar features as she watched. She looked and looked, taking in the lines about her eyes, the grey starting at the front of her hair…  _why does that happen?_  She found herself wondering.  _Where does the colour go, and why?_

And the lines… she touched her face, feeling the texture of her skin and the warmth that was there. She smiled to herself.  _Yes, still alive, at least for long enough to ask a few questions, and perhaps even wring a few answers out of this strange, cruel, beautiful world._

She looked back to the water, suddenly conscious of how very alone she was, a tiny figure in that vast emptiness. Her heart ached, for she knew this place. Her feet still drew her here, when she was in a contemplative, melancholy mood and wanted to think, or sometimes for no reason at all. She knew every rock along the bank, ever willow tree that trailed its sorrowful branches along the water’s surface. She knew the way the stars reflected off it on still nights, clear as a mirror. 

She had, after all, been here before.

——-

"You are so beautiful" Aegnor had said, sweeping back his stiff tangle of golden bright hair and gazing into her eyes as though searching for something.  _Making mock of those very words of his_ , Andreth had thought,  _with his own beauty._  For what was she when there was one so bright in the world? She felt her breath catch in her throat and a blush rise to her face; she had barely been more than a girl then. 

"Look" he said, pointing at their reflections in the water. "That star has gotten caught in your hair."

She smiled faintly. “Yet if I were to wait here all night, it would soon come free, as it moved across the sky. I could not keep it trapped there long, I fear.” 

"Still" he said, a cloud passing across his face. "It would take time to get it free."

She frowned. “Do we not have time?”

"You…" his face relaxed once more, and he brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers. "Yes, Saelind. Of course we do."

She had thought no more of it then, for their faces were very close and his eyes were bright and looking at Andreth as though she outshone every single star in the pool. Their lips brushed, very lightly at first, but then their hands were clasping between them, fingers knotted together even as their lips pressed against each other with greater urgency.

This was not the first time they had kissed, nor even the first time they had kissed by this pool under the starlight. But Andreth could never get enough of it, his lips and his skin and his journeying-smell of pine and horses, leather and woodsmoke new and exhilarating every time.

She drank in his brightness, her heart and head a whirl, and felt Aegnor smile into the kiss. He was much taller than her, even though they were both sitting, but his arm slipped around her, keeping her from falling as she leaned back to reach him.

It was Aegnor that broke the kiss, his eyes flying wide, and for a moment her stomach dropped as she thought wildly that it was her fault, she had driven him off, she had done something wrong… but then he was smiling, and everything seemed suddenly a little better once more, life a little more full of shine. Aegnor had a way like that.

She inclined her head, trying to keep the grin off her face - for she was suddenly conscious that her teeth had always been a little crooked - and looked back to the water. “Look” she said, taking his hand in her own and pointing for both of them. “You’ve got stars in your hair too. They’re caught in those spiky bits at the sides.”

She liked his hair worlds better than his brothers’ with their golden tumbles of loose curls and waves. He cut his short, and it stood out in stiff golden tufts as often as not, like bright flames.

He tugged self-consciously at it, trying rather ineffectually to smooth it. but she only smiled and mussed it up again for him.  

Aegnor gave an exclamation of protest. “What do you think you’re doing there?” He gave her a mock-haughty stare down his long straight nose, but a smile glittered in his eyes. “I’m a prince of the house of Finarfin, or had you forgotten?”

"Prince of the house of Finarfin, eh? Then what are you doing kissing mortal girls out in the middle of the countryside, I might ask you? Doesn’t seem like very princely behaviour to me" she poked him in the chest. "You,  _my prince_ , have a lot to answer for.”

His hesitation was almost imperceptible, before he laughed once more. ” ‘ _Girls’?_  More than one? Please, Andreth, put names to all these other girls I’ve been kissing, I’d be extremely curious to know!” His face softened, as she elbowed him lightly. “Besides” he said. “Prince, son of Finarfin, elf, warrior, or anything else that I may be, that doesn’t mean I’m good enough for you. I need to watch out for that.” He held her face gently in his hands, as though she were precious and delicate, a breakable thing, and kissed her softly once more.

At the time she had laughed incredulously, pulling him into her arms in delight.

She had realised later that she had known, that very moment or maybe long before, that it could not last. But in that moment, she had pushed her doubts to the most distant depths of her mind, into the darkness even as she let his brightness wash over her in golden waves, her fingers laced through his warmer ones once more, curling into a tight grip.

Beside them, forgotten for a moment, the stars shone like wavering pale candle flames as a breeze rose and gusted over the surface of the water.

——-

She looked at the stars that surrounded her reflection now, down in that dark dome far below. They were the same stars, but she was alone, her face changed, her hair turning to grey, her days steadily running out like autumn leaves blowing away on the wind.

The stars were the same though. Now she knew all their names, and for a while simply knowing things had been enough to ease the ache in her chest. She was wise, they said, but really she simply knew a lot of things. Books had comforted her, after he had left her behind. She had even written a few herself. 

These days though, she spent more and more time simply thinking. 

Andreth touched her face. She did not precisely mind how she looked, for its own sake. She knew she must age, and die; everyone did. 

Well, not  _everyone._

It was always like a punch to the stomach to see Finrod, although she had grown used to it now. The brothers looked alike, and yet not so. But it was not even that; it was the fact that even after all these years, he looked exactly the same.

Finrod was mildly diverting company, sometimes; she liked to listen to him speak, to puzzle out the way his mind worked, the conventions of the speech of the elves and the beliefs they held. It fascinated her.

She had barely had the time to scratch the surface with Aegnor, so caught up had they been in their brief golden days together, the glory and novelty of it.

Andreth stubbornly never let herself imagine the life they could have had, learning each other’s ways day by day. She knew that if she did, it would break her. She  _had_  a life, and a good one; there was no use thinking always of the one she had nearly had.

She had been happy, in her way.

Andreth looked back into the pool and frowned, holding her hand above the smooth, glassy surface of the water. She could see the dark, starless bite out of the lake, where the hills of Dorthonion loomed. 

_Somewhere amongst those hills…_

_No_. She concentrated on the stars, on her own face, swimming before her.

She let her fingers trail idly across the flat water, breaking the reflection into a million glimmering pieces, her face and the stars and the black hills all mingled together on the water’s surface as the ripples spread silently. 

She turned away from the bank before the water could settle again, and did not look back.


End file.
